No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Read online

  He’d tried to remedy that, but jerking off with your left hand when you were a dominant righty was hellish. And when your ribs throbbed and you had a blinding headache, it was damn near impossible. Finally, he’d put in the earplugs and forced himself to relax and fall asleep. He’d gone without sex or even jerking off for a long, long time, so a few weeks more wouldn’t kill him. He’d been more surprised by his reawakened sex drive than anything else, had figured it was a permanent lost cause.

  After dining on that mouth-watering turkey sandwich—Josh had put some kind of mayo on it that was the best Indy had ever tasted, creamy with a hint of mustard—he had wondered if he had to leave. Noah hadn’t specified how long he could stay, had he? Was he wearing out his welcome by staying another night? Indy had debated it for all of two minutes, then told himself he was fucking crazy for even considering leaving and went right back to sleep.

  One more day. Just one more day.

  Noah didn’t check on him again till after midnight. Indy assumed he’d been working as he was still wearing his scrubs. And his leg.

  “How have you been today?” Noah asked, lowering himself onto the bed. Soft light was spilling in from the hallway, illuminating his face. He looked like he was happy to see Indy, even though he was likely in pain again, as he was rubbing his right leg.

  “Good. Still tired.”

  “Josh said you slept most of the day. Rest is crucial for a complete recovery. He also said you ate well, which is a good sign. You could use the calories. Did you take your meds?”

  He brought out his little flashlight to check Indy’s pupils.

  “Yeah. They make me loopy. It’s hard to think.”

  Noah smiled. “They tend to do that. Josh said you were funny and a little loose-lipped. You can switch to over-the-counter painkillers in a day or two.”

  Loose-lipped. Fuck. Indy swallowed. What had he revealed?

  Noah covered his small hand, squeezed it. Indy’s heart skipped a beat. Noah was touching him. He waited for his body to react, but the expected fear and panic never showed up. Instead, there was a sense of excitement, his heart rate speeding up and his skin tingling.

  “Indy, whatever secrets you have are safe with us.”

  “Doctor-patient confidentiality?” he asked.

  “No. It’s called trust, loyalty, and friendship.”

  Indy studied Noah’s kind green eyes. “I have experienced little of that.”

  Their eyes held. Noah was reading him again, his hand still covering Indy’s. He was sitting so close, their legs touching and holding hands, yet Indy didn’t feel even the slightest urge to pull away.

  “Josh and I have been through hell together, and we’re both still finding our way back,” Noah said, his expression serious. “All we have is each other. Because we are both emotionally screwed up, we’ve learned to be honest about what we feel. I know, it’s a daring concept for guys to talk about feelings, but we’ve had to. Josh and I… We’ve been each other’s lifelines. We know that you have baggage, but we’re not judging. Shit, we’re both carrying way too much around ourselves. And you don’t know us very well, not yet, at least. But we have your back. Whatever you are dealing with, whether you want to talk about it or not, you can trust us.”

  Halfway through Noah’s speech Josh had joined them, standing next to Noah, his hand on Noah’s shoulder. A unit, that’s what these two were, and they were inviting Indy to be a part of it. It was mind-boggling and scary as hell. How would it feel to share the load with them?

  You can’t. He’ll have them killed and you know it.

  When the Fitzpatricks found him—and God knew they would at some point—they would have no qualms about collateral damage. Anyone he was close to would be taken down with him, and he would not risk it with Josh and Noah. No, he’d accept their friendship as best as he could, but he’d have to stay at a distance emotionally. He couldn’t allow himself to repay their honesty with coming clean himself. One more day, that was it.

  “Thank you,” he said, reaching for Josh's hand with his empty hand. For a little while, he would revel in being part of a circle, a unit.

  For the first time in many years he fell asleep happy. Still horny, but happy.

  6

  Indy had spent the second day in bed as well, still wicked zonked. He’d heard Noah and Josh having sex again, which, by the sounds of it, had been satisfactory for both. It had made him hard all over again, but it had also been comforting. He’d thought he would have felt weird hearing them, or even threatened, considering his history. Sex to him had always been about power, punishment even, and in the best case about lust and getting off. But the love between these two guys was clear, and hearing them express it had made him feel safe, included in their unit.

  He finally felt better on the third morning. His head had stopped pounding, and his ribs were still sore, but nowhere near as bad as the first day. So he got up and make his way downstairs. He’d freshened up, had shaved the fuzz off his chin, and had pulled his hair back into a messy ponytail.

  He reveled in the domestic scene he encountered in the kitchen. Josh, shirtless with tight black boxers on, was preparing what looked like a whole lot of healthy stuffed into an industrial size blender. Indy gulped. Fuck, he was so damn sexy, especially because he didn’t know it.

  Noah perched on a bar stool at the high end of the kitchen counter, wearing a Pats shirt and white boxers, his prosthetic leg off. He was reading a newspaper, frowning with concentration. They were so casual in Indy’s presence, not even bothering to put on clothes. Like it was the most normal thing in the world for the three of them to be in this kitchen.

  Indy was overdressed compared to them, wearing Josh's shirt and a pair of too-loose sweat shorts someone had put in his room. He looked like a kid dressed up in his dad’s clothes, for fuck’s sake. He hadn’t even considered putting on his female clothes, though. “Good morning,” Indy said.

  Josh turned around with a happy smile on his face. “Morning. How do you feel?”

  “Still sore, but much better. Dying to get out of bed.”

  Noah looked up, gave him a quick body-check. “Don’t overdo it. Make sure to lie down again after breakfast.”

  “Yes, doctor,” Indy said.

  Josh grinned. “He can’t turn the medic mode off, it comes with the territory. What can I get you? I’ve brought you whatever I was having so far, but now that you’re up, you can choose for yourself. Are you the healthy type, a cereal person, a full breakfast guy, or one of those don’t even talk to me before I have my coffee morning grumps?”

  Indy couldn’t help but laugh. “Wow. That’s the most I’ve ever heard you say.”

  Josh shrugged. “I’m shy, especially when I don’t know people well. But I don’t feel shy with you at all. Plus, I woke up happy today.”

  “I wonder why,” Indy said under his breath.

  Noah raised his eyebrows. “Jealous much?”

  Josh looked from Indy to Noah and back. “I’m missing something here.”

  “He can hear us,” Noah said.

  “What do you mean?”

  Indy smiled. Josh was such a fun person to tease. “You’re quite vocal when you’re…enjoying yourself,” he offered.

  Color crept up Josh's face. “Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

  Fucking hell, Josh was so adorable when he did that blushing thing. No wonder Noah loved him. How could you even stay mad at that face? “No worries. Glad somebody was having a good time.”

  “As I said, jealous much?” Noah’s eyes were challenging him to be honest.

  Indy said, “Sure, but above all, horny.”

  Noah’s hand, with a mug of what looked like tea, froze halfway to his mouth, while Josh was attacked by a coughing fit.

  Why the hell had he admitted the truth? There was something about these two that disarmed all his defenses. For fuck’s sake, he’d completely dropped his Southern accent. They hadn’t said anything, but there was no way they hadn’t noticed he
’d switched to a different dialect.

  “If you’re done choking, I’ll have a glass of whatever you’re juicing over there, Josh. Thanks,” Indy said and lowered himself on a bar stool next to Noah, taking care to keep his ribs as straight as possible. The bending and twisting motions still hurt.

  The doorbell rang, and Indy froze. Noah tensed up as well. “Are we expecting anyone?” he asked Josh, who shook his head.

  “You’ll need to get it.” Noah said, pointing at his leg. Josh nodded. “And Josh, don’t let anyone in. Indy’s not dressed.”

  Relief flooded Indy. Noah was looking out for him. Josh walked into the hallway and opened the door. Indy recognized the voice.

  “It’s O’Connor,” he whispered to Noah. “The cop from the robbery. What the hell is he doing here?”

  Dammit, he hadn’t gotten around to researching O’Connor’s background. He’d been too busy recovering. But O’Connor had no way of knowing Indy would be here, right? No one knew.

  Noah relaxed. “I don’t know, but he’s getting an eyeful of Josh in his underwear, so there’s that.”

  Indy chuckled. “How long till Josh figures that out?”

  “Shit, fuck, hold on!” Josh exclaimed. Indy and Noah burst out in laughter. “I’ll be right back,” Josh added. The front door closed again with a tolerable loud bang.

  “Go upstairs and if he comes in, come down when you’re dressed,” Noah told Indy. “And you’d better turn your drawl back on.”

  He’d noticed. Shit. Indy nodded, made his way upstairs as quickly as possible with his injuries. O’Connor’s had turned away his face from the door, thank fuck, so he couldn’t spot Indy through the glass. Indy encountered a muttering Josh on the stairs.

  “You could’ve said something,” Josh complained. “I looked like a fucking moron.”

  “Sorry,” Indy said, inching past Josh and closing the bedroom door behind him. He dressed as quickly as possible. The makeup would have to wait. O’Connor wasn’t expecting him here anyway, let alone in full makeup after what he’d been through. He did make sure his pink scarf covered his Adam’s apple and took his ponytail out, fluffing his hair up. It would have to do.

  When Indy stepped into the kitchen, Josh had let O’Connor in. The cop was dressed in full uniform. Josh was still blushing, now wearing jeans and a black shirt. O’Connor’s eyes widened when he spotted Indy walking in, but then he noticed Noah. His gaze flew down to Noah’s stump, but he didn’t react other than to step up to him and extend his hand. “O’Connor.”

  “Noah Flint, Josh's boyfriend.”

  O’Connor’s reaction to that news was pure shock. He gave a quick intake of breath, and his eyes went big before he caught himself.

  “Oh,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”

  What was he so surprised about? He’d reacted the same way when Indy had told him he had kissed Josh. What was going on there? Surely the sight of two gay men couldn’t creep him out, right? It wasn’t the 1950s anymore. Sheesh.

  “Sorry about my state of undress. We weren’t expecting anyone, and I can’t get dressed that fast.”

  Was it Indy’s imagination or was Noah deliberately drawing attention to his leg? Noah dropped his hand to his stump, rubbed it. Holy fuck, he was totally playing the crippled card. What the hell?

  “No apologies needed. We appreciate your sacrifice,” O’Connor said, his tone serious.

  “Nice to see you again, Connor,” Indy drawled.

  O’Connor tore away his gaze from Noah and focused on Indy. “Indy,” he said. “Didn’t expect to find you here.”

  “She needed medical supervision after her fall, and as a thank-you for saving my Josh's life, we invited her to stay with us. It seemed like the least we could do.”

  There was something in his tone that hadn’t been there before, something flirty. For some reason, Noah sounded more gay than he ever had before.

  “Noah’s a physician assistant in the ER of Albany General,” Josh added, walking up behind Noah and putting his hand on Noah’s shoulder. Noah leaned his head back against Josh's chest, an uncharacteristic gesture of affection and submission for him. Indy wasn’t the only one adept at playing a role, it seemed. Noah was claiming Josh loud and clear.

  “They’ve been taking such great care of me,” Indy said. “For a couple of Yankees, they sure have Southern hospitality down.”

  “Speaking of Southern hospitality,” O’Connor said, refocusing on Indy, “I was trying to find you. Turns out the phone number you gave me was wrong, and I was hoping Josh would know where to locate you.”

  Indy forced a smile out. “Oh, my, I’m so sorry about that. What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “There’s been a silver Chevy parked at the Stewart’s for the last few days. It has Georgia plates. That parking lot doesn’t allow overnight parking.”

  Indy met his inquisitive gaze, forced himself to stay silent. He’d learned over the years not to say more than necessary when talking to law enforcement.

  “You’re not gonna say anything?” O’Connor asked, eyebrows raising.

  “I was waiting for you to ask an actual question, Officer.”

  O’Connor’s eyes narrowed. “For someone who says she doesn’t have a filter, you’re awfully good at evading questions.”

  “But, sir, you didn’t ask a question.” Indy pouted his lips, looked at O’Connor from under his eyelashes.

  “My point exactly. Is that car yours?”

  “Why, yes it is. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to pick it up yet.”

  “She’s not medically cleared to drive,” Noah said. “Josh will pick it up today and park it here.”

  “She’s staying here?” O’Connor asked, then turned to Indy. “You’re staying here?’

  Indy ignored the pretzel of happiness and fear in his stomach. “I am. Josh and Noah are wonderful hosts, and I sure enjoy spending time with them. Since I’m between jobs at the moment, I’ve decided to take them up on their offer of hospitality and explore the region more, once I’ve recovered.”

  “As Noah said, it’s the least we could do after Indy saved me so heroically,” Josh piled it on.

  Indy’s heart warmed. They were a unit, and he was a part of it. They had his back, just like they’d promised.

  O’Connor stared at them for a few seconds. “That’s taken care of, then. I’ll leave you to your breakfast. Have a speedy recovery, Indy. Noah, nice meeting you.”

  He looked at Josh, and Indy was sure he was going to say something, but O’Connor merely nodded. As he was walking back to the hallway, Noah called after him. “Out of curiosity, Officer, how did you find Josh?”

  O’Connor slowly turned around, facing Josh who had come after him to escort him to the door.

  “What do you mean? He gave me his contact info when I took his statement.” O’Connor was talking to Noah, but his eyes were on Josh, his face tight.

  Noah’s smile stayed but his eyes were razor sharp. “His phone number, not his address. You could’ve called instead of going through the trouble of finding out his address.”

  What was Noah getting at? Indy looked from Noah, to Josh, and then to O’Connor who looked like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. What the fuck?

  “I could have,” O’Connor admitted, his eyes never leaving Josh. Indy’s eyes narrowed as it clicked. Fucking hell, he was gay. There was no mistaking the gaze in his eyes when he looked at Josh. Pure want.

  “I should have,” O’Connor corrected himself, tearing his gaze away and walking out the door without looking back.

  “What was that about?” Josh asked when he stepped back into the kitchen.

  Noah sighed, an amused smile on his lips. “Dude, you have the worst gaydar in history.”

  Josh's eyes popped out. “He’s gay? You’re shitting me.”

  “Not only is he gay, he was totally checking you out,” Indy said.

  “He was?” Josh's cheeks stained red again.

  “
Why do you think he stopped by in the first place when he could’ve just called you to find out if you had a correct phone number for me? He wanted to see you again,” Indy said.

  “He’s hot,” Noah said, adding more fuel to Josh's discomfort.

  “He’s smoking hot,” Indy affirmed. Why wasn’t Noah jealous? He seemed more amused than anything else, teasing Josh with Connor’s interest. Weird, because he didn’t strike Indy as the type willing to share, especially not after he’d claimed Josh so obviously in front of O’Connor.

  Muttering under his breath, Josh stuffed the last ingredients in the blender and turned it on.

  “I take it I’m staying, then?” Indy asked Noah when silence returned.

  “You are,” he said to Indy. “For as long as you want to.”

  “Why?” What did they want from him? Nobody would make an offer like that without wanting something in return.

  “Because you need a place to stay.”

  “Just like that,” Indy said, his throat constricted.

  “We like you,” Josh answered, placing a tall glass with green juice in front of him. “And we protect our own.”

  It was such a powerful statement coming from Josh, the weaker one in the relationship. It wasn’t only Noah who wanted him to stay. It was Josh as well. Like that, they took Indy in and made him feel part of something bigger.

  Nobody had ever had his back like that, ever. When he’d become part of the Fitzpatricks, all those big words about being a family and looking out for each other had been fucking bullshit, empty words. When the hit came, no one had stood up for him. But these men, they were completely in tune with each other, and they had made him a part of it. It took his breath away.

  “He’s crying,” Josh said to Noah, a hint of panic in his voice. Indy hadn’t even realized tears were streaming down his face. Weird, he hadn’t cried in…well, forever.