No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Read online

  And Noah sometimes had weird dreams of Josh sucking his cock, of fucking Josh, even. But those had to be dreams because surely he would remember if it were real. Of course, Josh had never said a word about anything like that happening.

  Noah had found himself coping better and better with Josh's affection, presence, and him being gay. At first, he’d been a bit weirded out by Josh touching him, but now he’d gotten used to it and allowed Josh to hug him longer than others thought was normal. He’d become as touchy-feely as Josh himself, wanting to communicate his affection. Fuck everyone else, he didn’t care anymore.

  Inviting Josh to sleep next to him tonight, to be held by him, he’d known they were crossing a boundary and entering into new territory. Restoring Josh's sense of trust had been crucial to Noah, but maybe he had done it as much for himself. The distance between them had killed him, too. He trusted Josh to understand, even if he didn’t fully comprehend himself what he was offering and why.

  Now Josh had inadvertently touched his cock, and Noah could only imagine what had to be going through his mind. Guilt, confusion, lust maybe? Noah guessed, because he was feeling it himself. They had to find a way through this, to help each other. This was Josh: his best friend, the guy who knew everything about him and still loved him, the guy who had endangered himself to be with him. There was no room for discomfort, only brotherhood and friendship.

  “Josh, I have a favor to ask you. Would you do something for me?”

  “Anything.” The answer came without a second of delay, and it told Noah everything he needed to know.

  Noah’s mind was made up. He took the hand that was wrapped around his neck and put it on his cock, squeezing both. Josh's breath caught, then slowly let out.

  “I’m so fucking hard, and I can’t do it myself. Please?” Noah’s voice was raw.

  He removed his hand from Josh's, giving him the option to refuse.

  Noah trembled. Had he gone too far? What if Josh was offended? What if it reminded him of that night? Did he fuck this up?

  Instead, Josh gave his cock a gentle squeeze that sent shivers down Noah’s spine. “Hand or mouth?” Josh asked.

  Noah had not seen that one coming. He had assumed a hand job, but was Josh really offering him a blow job? Could he accept? Wouldn't that be seriously fucked up?

  “Noah.”

  There was something about the way Josh said his name that got to him every single time. There was so much love in there that it humbled him. He closed his eyes, struggling with doing the right thing.

  “Noah, I want to do this. I want to replace those memories with something else, something beautiful. You know I love you, and I trust you. Please, let me do this for myself and for you.”

  Noah nodded, unable to find the words. Josh got up from the bed and grabbed a chair, silently lifting it and putting it next to the bed. He threw a pillow on it, then kneeled on it. Noah didn’t need to remind him to not touch his legs. Josh would be careful. With loving hands, he freed Noah’s cock from his boxer shorts. It jutted free, completely erect.

  “Josh, I haven’t jacked off since…since before the accident. I’m on the edge, so be careful, okay?”

  Josh sent him a sensual smile that made Noah tingle in anticipation. “I’ve got you, don’t you worry…”

  Josh wrapped his hand around the base of Noah’s dick, pulling back the foreskin. His cock steeled even harder in Josh's hand. Josh bent over, licked the crown as if tasting it, before closing his soft lips around it to suckle. “Oh, God, yes…”

  Noah twitched and moaned as the sucking intensified. It felt fucking fantastic. Then his cock was sucked into his friend’s slick throat, and he couldn’t think at all. Josh's head bobbed and squeezed Noah's dick…Oh, damn, he sucked so good.

  He took Noah in deeper and deeper until most of his shaft was enclosed in Josh's warm mouth.

  “Oh, fuck…” Noah grunted. His balls tightened almost painfully. “I can’t… Shit, so good… I can’t hold it…”

  His entire body tensed and then he let go, the most powerful orgasm he had ever had barreling through him like a shock wave. He lifted his hips and thrust into Josh's mouth, bringing a sweet mix of pain and endless relief. He bucked again, still spurting. All that time, Josh's warm mouth kept sucking, licking, caressing. He took everything Noah gave, and then some.

  “Fucking hell,” Noah panted. All the tension left his body as he sagged back against the pillows. With effort, he lifted a hand to put it on Josh's head. The short buzz cut tickled his fingers. “Best blow job ever.”

  Josh lifted his head, causing Noah to drop his hand. Josh caught it and brushed it with a soft kiss while still holding Noah’s cock with his other hand. “Thank you for letting me suck you off. At the risk of sounding even more gay than I already am: I love sucking cock, and you taste like heaven,” Josh said, his voice dreamy. “I know you’re not gay, and I respect that, but I am, so don’t ever feel like you are using me. Anytime you need me, ask me. I will never say no, because I love you, and I love doing this for you…and for me.”

  Josh brought Noah’s hand to his own crotch, where Noah encountered a cock that was hard as steel. “You feel me? Blowing you did that to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I wasn’t done yet. That first release was a little…quick and you’re still hard, so let’s see if we can give you one that lasts a bit longer.”

  Without waiting for Noah’s approval, he dropped his mouth down again on Noah’s cock, taking him in as far as he could. Noah’s eyes flared, and he inhaled sharply.

  “Oh shit… Fuck, Josh, your mouth… Oh, dammit, you’re killing me!”

  8

  Noah’s story hit Indy hard. There was such a deep love between these two men, messy and complicated as it might be. He’d never experienced anything remotely similar. What Duncan had felt for him wasn’t love. Shit, the guy wasn’t even capable of love in the first place. No, Noah and Josh were something else. They’d made deep sacrifices for each other, and there were many layers of guilt and pleasure intertwined.

  Something had happened to Josh that Noah felt guilty about, maybe something to do with his PTSD, but Indy wasn’t asking. If Noah had wanted him to know, he would’ve told him. It was complex, intricate, yet beautiful, and also hot as fuck.

  They’d moved to the parlor, Indy obediently laying down on the couch per Noah’s orders, with Noah sitting in the reading chair across from him. Indy had taken off the scarf and the bra and stuffing he’d been wearing for Connor’s unexpected visit. Noah hadn’t said anything, had merely looked at him with approval.

  Indy discreetly rubbed his cock in an attempt to alleviate some of his discomfort. Fuck, he’d been horny ever since he’d heard them go at it that first night, and now Noah’s story had put his whole body on edge with sheer desire. He swore he could feel his pulse beating through his cock, that’s how hard it was. He desperately needed a release, but it looked like he’d have to wait till his ribs stopped hurting so fucking much. The only consolation, though a small one, was that Noah was sporting a boner as well—not that the man did anything to hide it.

  Indy shook his head to clear his thoughts. “So to the outside world you’re presenting yourself as a gay couple.”

  “There isn’t much of an outside world, but yes. Josh's parents never accepted him for who he was. They’re conservative Christians, so him being gay didn’t go over well. He has a younger brother, Aaron, but he sided with his parents when Josh came out.”

  Indy’s heart softened. Poor Josh. He deserved better. “And your parents? You mentioned it being your dad’s dream for you to be in the army?”

  Noah rubbed the back of his neck, his face pained. “My mom passed away a month before I turned eighteen, and my father… Have you ever heard of General Flint?”

  Indy gasped. That was his dad? Holy crap. Everyone knew General Flint, the stern asshole who’d made it his sole purpose to reinstate the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy in the armed forces. Indy knew shit about politics, but
he’d followed that one because it blew his mind. “That’s your dad?”

  “Yeah. You remember him taking a stand before the Senate to defend Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? He’s a staunch opponent of gays in the military. That’s because he despises gay men, thinks of them as weak, effeminate. Can you imagine his reaction when one day, he walked in on Josh giving me a blow job?” Noah let out a bitter laugh. “He was about to physically attack me, but Josh stepped in.”

  “Josh stepped in,” Indy repeated in disbelief. “Sweet, shy Josh stepped in?”

  “Oh, there was nothing sweet or shy about Josh at that particular time. Picture this: I was buck naked and dripping with juices, and Josh was only wearing boxers that did nothing to hide his massive hard-on. He was facing a blazing mad general in uniform, and he never backed down. Josh actually shoved him back to protect me. He can have quite the temper if you push him too far, especially when it comes to people he loves.”

  Indy was picturing it, and it made for quite the mental image. Dammit, he was about to come in his fucking pants. All this talk about two hot guys having sex was not conducive to losing his erection. If only he was able to touch himself, he would easily come. Twice, at least.

  He focused on the conversation. Maybe Noah, the perceptive medical professional, wouldn’t notice his permanent hard-on.

  “Bad timing on your father’s part to come in at that time…”

  “I did it on purpose,” Noah admitted. “I knew he would be coming by, but Josh didn’t, and I asked him to blow me. I wanted my dad to see this, to see us.”

  “You wanted him to think you were gay,” Indy said.

  “Yes. I hated that man and everything he stood for. I wanted to break free of him once and for all. This was the quickest way to achieve that.”

  “Does Josh know?”

  “I told him a couple of days later. We have no secrets between us. We can’t. It’s already complicated enough as it is. We promised each other complete honesty, especially when it comes to sex.”

  “Are you saying you’re not gay?”

  It was the question Indy had been dying to ask. Because other than Noah not being gay—which would be weird considering he did obviously enjoy fucking Josh—what the hell could be the reason these two weren’t together?

  Please, let him be gay. What difference does it make? He’ll never choose you anyways. Not when he has Josh.

  For the first time since Indy had met him, Noah was clearly uncomfortable. He shifted in his chair, cracking his knuckles.

  “I don’t know,” Noah finally spoke. “I thought I wasn’t, but I’m not sure anymore. Maybe I’m bi? I mean, I like women as well. I think. I mean, I’ve had sex with women and enjoyed it, I guess, though it’s undeniable sex with Josh is very different. Shit, I don’t know. I honestly don’t fucking know.”

  “It’s okay,” Indy said, feeling how much Noah meant those words. Sex was messed up, or it could be, and it was hard to define yourself when your life was so fucked up.

  “You are gay, though, right? I mean, you kissed Josh. And me.”

  Noah’s voice was laced with an uncharacteristic insecurity, one that made Indy feel sorry for the man.

  “Oh, definitely. I’m as gay as they come. Proud, rainbow-shitting gay.”

  Noah let out a chuckle. “How did you know?”

  “Jeez, how could I not? I’ve always been gay. I don’t know when you first encountered sex, but where and how I grew up, I was pretty young. Always knew I wanted to be with guys, not girls. I’m the classic queer, you know, too effeminate to even try to pass as straight.”

  Indy sighed. He’d said too much, perhaps, but he’d wanted to give Noah something in return for sharing so openly about him and Josh.

  “But you’re not transgender? You don’t identify as a woman?”

  Fuck, he loved Noah for even asking that. “No. Not at all. But that’s all I want to say.”

  Noah nodded. “Okay,” he simply said.

  There was a comfortable silence between them. Indy was completely fed up with his cock that wouldn’t fucking give up. He’d have to find a way to jack off, no matter how awkward or embarrassing. Hell, Josh and Noah were fucking so loud he could hear them, so it wasn’t like they would be weirded out by Indy jerking off.

  “I’ll ask Josh if he’s okay with me helping you, if that’s what you want.”

  Indy frowned. “Help me with what?”

  “Help you jack off.”

  Indy almost choked on his breath. He’s fucking kidding, right? “What?”

  “Look,” Noah said calmly, studying Indy. He made it sound like it was the most natural thing in the world to offer Indy to jack him off. “You already admitted to being horny from hearing us have sex. It’s been an emotional morning, and that story I shared about me and Josh turned you on even more. To be fair, I gave you quite the detailed play-by-play. That’s as surprising to me as it is to you by the way, since Josh and I are usually tight-lipped about what we do together. For some reason, you made me want to share with you, so I did. But your cheeks are flushed, you’ve been sporting a hard-on forever, and your whole body is as tight as a drum. I think you’re having the same problem I had after my injury: you can’t take care of it yourself. If you could, you would’ve done so already, and you wouldn’t still be so turned on this morning. How am I doing so far?”

  Indy had heard of guys who could come without being touched. He’d always written those stories off as fables, urban legends. But he’d fucking swear right now that if Noah kept talking like that, he’d spontaneously erupt. Holy fuck, he’d never been this aroused before. Ever. His cock was ready to explode.

  He cleared his throat, swallowing thickly. “I’d say your powers of deduction are pretty accurate.”

  “Indy, you trust us. I know trust is hard for you, but you trust us. You’ve let us hug you, and you felt safe enough to let go of your disguise. Aside from the fact that you need a release to get rid of the tension in your body, I think it would help you emotionally as well. It may help you heal some of what’s inside.”

  “Ever the medical professional,” Indy said, his head swirling with emotions.

  “Tell me I’m wrong.”

  “You’re not,” he admitted.

  Their eyes met across the coffee table, and Noah leaned forward in his chair. “You deserve more than being alone for the rest of your life, Indy. Let me help you gain some freedom back. But the choice is yours. I’ll give you the same rule as Josh and I have: you have to ask me. I will not take the initiative; you have to tell me what you want. And I won’t do anything until Josh gets home because he needs to be okay with this.”

  Indy was dizzy with sensations. Why was he even considering this? Shouldn’t the thought of a man touching him send him screaming and running in the other direction? It had for the last two years, but he wanted Noah. Fuck, Indy did trust him, and the thought of Noah’s hands on him made heat pool in his belly. A relationship was out of the question, obviously, with Indy never staying long in one place and Noah attached at the hip to Josh.

  He’ll never pick you over Josh. Josh, who is so cute and sweet. Josh, who is not fucked up, like you are. Josh, who hasn’t done what you have. You’re too dark and twisty, too fucked up.

  “Won’t Josh have a problem with this?” Indy’s voice wavered. “Have you had others since you’ve been together?”

  The beginning of a smile tipped the corners of Noah’s mouth. “No. At first, I wasn’t in any condition and after that, it never happened. I didn’t go looking for it, also because I thought no one would want me looking like this.” He pointed to his leg. “But you called me sexy as fuck, so apparently me being a cripple doesn’t bother you. As for Josh, let’s say he’s motivated to grant me this.”

  Why was everything Noah said so wicked sexy? What was it about him that made Indy lower his defenses, take them down completely? Was Noah just feeling sorry for him? Because desperate as Indy was for a release, he did not need a pity fuck.
Or a pity hand job, or whatever. He let his eyes wander to Noah’s chest, then lower to his abdomen, and his…holy shit, Noah was still sporting a massive hard-on that threatened to pop out of his boxers.

  “As you can see, I have some motivation myself as well,” Noah said, following Indy’s gaze. With a lazy gesture, he grabbed his cock and gave it a squeeze.

  For the first time in forever, heat stained Indy’s cheeks. He thought he’d lost all sense of shame, embarrassment, and even arousal, but clearly not. What the hell was happening here?

  “Do you like the view?” Noah asked, his voice low, but with more uncertainty than Indy would have expected. Noah was putting himself out there as well. He had said it himself: he didn’t expect anyone to want him with his scars—and Indy knew how he felt. Fuck, he’d never thought he’d meet anyone willing to look past his scars and his hang-ups.

  “I do. You’re beautiful,” he said, speaking what was in his heart, ignoring his doubts that Noah was only feeling sorry for him.

  Noah visibly swallowed. “Thank you.”

  “Not just healing for me, is it?”

  “No. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear you say that until you did.”

  Indy bit his lip. “Noah, if we do this…if I agree…it can’t come between you and Josh. What you have, it’s too beautiful for that.”

  His eyes burned into Indy’s, hot and heavy. “I’ve wanted you since I met you, but that makes me desire you even more. You won’t come between us, Indy, we won’t let you. Josh and me, we need each other too much, at least for now.”

  Indy didn’t understand. How could Noah want him? Noah was so sexy, so hot, so confident. For fuck’s sake, he was self-assured enough to publicly be gay, even when he wasn’t sure it was who he was. What did he see in Indy? He wasn’t pretty, he wasn’t sexy, and he sure as hell wasn’t easy.