No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Read online

  “Why do you want me? I’m seriously fucked up and not even close to being handsome or whatever. I’m just a scrawny kid.”

  Noah flashed his thousand-watt smile at Indy. It lit a fire in Indy’s belly that radiated to his arms and legs, to the tip of his toes. It rolled over him like a wave, that smile, reaching deep inside with its light.

  “You’re fucking beautiful. Your strength, your kick-ass attitude, and your boyish tight body are a total turn on. I love your potty mouth, your fake Southern drawl, and your lack of filter. You must be one hell of a kisser to kiss Josh out of an episode and get him hard—oh yes, he shared that little detail with me. Josh is not an easy guy when it comes to sex, trust me, but you got to him, and I know he would let you fuck him, given the chance. But above all, I want to be with you because despite you being fucked up—your words, not mine—you’re so fucking sexy. It’s your eyes, they betray everything you’re thinking and feeling. You’re seeing me, all of me, and you want me.”

  Sweet fuck, there was enough electricity between them to light a small city. “Keep talking like that, and you won’t need to touch me anymore,” Indy blurted out.

  “Then I’d better stop, ‘cause that would be a shame,” Noah teased.

  “Don’t.” Indy almost choked on the words. “Nobody has ever wanted me like that, not even before.”

  Before what? Indy waited for him to ask it, to demand to know what had happened to him, but Noah didn’t.

  “It scares me,” Indy admitted.

  “That’s okay. You can let yourself open up. It’s safe.”

  Safe. Noah kept using that word, as if he knew how much Indy needed the reassurance. “I know, but I’m still scared as hell. Does Josh know how you feel about me?”

  “Not officially. You’re the first person I’ve…responded to since Josh and I started fucking, so this is new territory for us. I haven’t told him yet, because I wasn’t sure how you felt, but I will. I’m sure he’s noticed my reactions to you already. Our sex has intensified since you arrived, so he’s reaping the benefits, so to speak.”

  That created mental pictures in Indy’s head that did nothing to quench the desperate need in his body. He had made his decision. Fuck, he really was doing this. He was gonna let Noah touch him. The thought alone sent shivers down his spine.

  “Indy, look at me,” Noah spoke softly. Indy didn’t see the need in resisting anymore and met the man’s eyes, surrendering to whatever was happening between them. “I need you to remember three things. First, you can say no right now. I’m asking you if you want this, but it’s your choice. Second, you can still say no halfway through. If you change your mind, a simple ‘no’ or ‘stop’ is enough. You decide how far you want to go, and I will stop. Even if we ever end up in bed together and I’m inside you, I will pull out if you say stop. I’d rather hurt myself than ever do something against your will. And last but not least: I don’t need to hear your story, because you’ll tell me when you’re ready. But I do need to know if you have any issues with me touching you in a sexual way. If you have any sexual trauma, please tell me, because I’ll do my damnedest not to trigger it.”

  Sexual trauma… Holy fuck, where did he begin? Had sex ever been anything other than a trauma to him? Well, maybe. Duncan had fucked him almost every single day. God, that first time had hurt like a motherfucker, but after that it had gotten somewhat better. Indy had even liked it, sometimes, in the first two years. He’d been way too young, but there had been times when he’d loved being fucked, when Duncan had taken more time.

  After that, it had gotten slowly worse. The more Duncan had started using, the rougher the sex had gotten. Indy had learned to cooperate, but even then he’d been tied down, held down with force, fucked too hard. Then Eric had happened. His stomach cramped.

  Don’t go there. Noah is different. He’s nothing like Duncan, like Eric, not even close.

  Everything Noah had said and done so far had shown him to be honorable, a good man. Indy hadn’t put much faith in men anymore, not after what he’d been through, but everything inside him told him Noah could be trusted. He wouldn’t hurt him. For fuck’s sake, he’d outright said so, had told Indy he’d rather hurt himself than Indy.

  He’ll break your fucking heart, and you know it. He’ll never choose you. He’ll never love you.

  Well, he’d have to risk it. God knew he’d survived worse. He wanted this, wanted him. Wanted to feel what good sex could be like.

  “You can’t hold my neck down, put any pressure on it, or even pretend to choke me,” Indy said. His decision made, he felt calm. “Don’t ever tie me up, or physically restrain me in any way. That includes holding my arms or wrists down. If you accidentally do something that makes me defend myself, or if I put you in a hold, tap twice anywhere on my body and I’ll let go. It’s an ingrained jiujitsu signal I will always respond to.”

  Noah nodded. “One last question: please tell me you are of age. I’ve seen your date of birth, but I want to make sure it’s accurate.”

  Indy snorted, his hand flying to his mouth when the sound escaped. Of age, there was a new concept. As if it had ever mattered. Fuck, most of the sex he’d ever had had been before he turned eighteen. Like Duncan had ever given a shit about age. Or consent, for that matter.

  “Sorry, you have no idea how unintentionally funny that is. The birthday was fake, but I am twenty, so no worries.”

  “Okay,” Noah said. He looked at Indy with undisguised want, and Indy licked his lips. Noah wanted him, truly wanted him. How the fuck was that possible?

  “Okay, then,” he repeated slowly. The tension grew thick, the air almost crackling between the two of them.

  Noah checked his watch. “We have half an hour before Josh gets back. How about I keep you entertained with the story of how Josh let me fuck him for the first time?”

  * * *

  Ten months before

  They’d found a rhythm that worked for them both. Noah had daily physical therapy and added his own personal workouts to build his upper body. Josh drove him and waited patiently, reading through stacks of books, till Noah was done. Afterward, Josh would go to his PTSD therapy, while Noah took a swim at the same health care center. It relaxed his body and helped build up muscles in his leg and stump. At home, Josh would cook, do laundry, and keep the house clean, and Noah took care of the financial stuff and anything tech-related.

  But the nights made it work. After that second blow job in the hospital, Noah had noticed the pain had lessened. He’d thought it was a fluke, but when Josh gave him another blow job a few days later—which had been equally amazing—he’d experienced the same effect. When the pain got bad, he’d ask Josh to help him find ‘release’—and Josh had been true to his word and had never denied him.

  On his end, Josh had discovered that sleeping with Noah kept the nightmares at bay. By himself in a bed, the nights were a terror of flashbacks, and he’d wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. But safely snuggled against Noah, he slept peacefully.

  The solution had been simple: they’d moved into the master bedroom together and helped each other out. Noah quickly got used to Josh's naked body draped over him, or spooning against him and came to appreciate the closeness it brought. Noah always slept naked since clothes rubbed against his wounds and scars. They had bought the softest sheets and bedding they could find and that worked. And since it didn’t seem to bother Noah, Josh had gotten rid of his boxers as well, as he loved the feel of naked skin on skin. They were together, had each other’s back.

  One night, they were spooning, Josh tucked against Noah’s chest. “Why don’t you ever come?” The question had been bothering Noah for a while. Josh got hard from giving him a blow job, but he’d never finished. At least, not in Noah’s presence.

  Josh swallowed. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to,” he replied softly.

  “For fuck’s sake, Josh, of course it’s okay. You’re sucking me off all the time, swallowing my cum, or you let me come all ove
r your hands. We are constantly in bed naked together. What makes you think I would not be okay with you coming as well?” To compensate for his angry tone, Noah pulled Josh tight.

  “I didn’t want to cross any boundaries you’d feel uncomfortable with,” Josh said. “I don’t want to repulse you.”

  Noah let go of Josh and grabbed his upper arm to make Josh turn around and face him. He took his friend’s face in both hands and looked him straight in the eyes. “You could never repulse me. And you know I’m more than fine with who you are. Seriously, you suck cock better than any girl who’s ever tried.”

  He gave him a quick kiss, something he had never done before of his own volition. Usually, it was Josh sharing affection that way, but whatever. Nothing wrong with kissing, right? He wrapped his arms around Josh again, pulling him tight against his body. At first, the feeling of a naked male had been weird and somehow off, but now he was used to it.

  He loved the difference between his own somewhat tough skin and Josh's soft skin. They were so different in every aspect. Even their cocks, now brushing against each other, were different. Josh's cock was velvety soft, but long and slim, where Noah’s cock was shorter, thicker and stronger. Nude cocks against each other was also a sensation Noah had come to appreciate. Especially when both their cocks were slick with juices, sliding them against each other was incredibly erotic.

  Noah continued, “So if you want something, you need to ask. Do you want me to give you a hand job?” He hesitated for a second. “I’ll even blow you, if that’s what you want. Can’t guarantee I’m any good as I’ve never done it before, but hey, you could teach me. What do you want?”

  “Will you fuck me?”

  Noah blinked. The request rocked him to his core. Not what he had expected. Not after Josh's last experience. “You want me to fuck you? Are you sure about this?”

  Are you sure you ever want a cock in your ass again after what you went through? He didn’t say it, but how did one get over something like Josh experienced?

  “I know what you’re thinking, Noah, but I can’t let that one night rob me from sex for the rest of my life. I loved being fucked. That night, it doesn’t change that. It shouldn’t. And I want it to be you because I trust you. Please, Noah, do this for me.”

  How was it possible that as a supposedly straight guy, he was so turned on by the thought of fucking Josh? His cock had jumped up at the first visual Josh's words had put in his head. Maybe you’re not as straight as you think. “I’ve never fucked a guy before,” he said, his voice raw. “So you’ll have to tell me how to do it right, okay?”

  A flash of guilt crossed over Josh's face. What did he have to feel guilty for? Surely not for being gay, or wanting to be fucked. Most normal thing in the world as far as Noah was concerned.

  “You’ll do it?” Josh's voice dripped with disbelief.

  Noah grabbed his friend’s head, pulled it toward his mouth and kissed him gently. “I’ll do anything you ask.” He kissed him again, then let go. “So, how do we do this? I’m pretty sure of the anatomy involved, but I can’t sit on my knees yet, so what would work?”

  “I’ll give you a hand job first to make you hard, and if it’s okay with you, you can lay on your back, and I can ride you. We can use the massage oil you use for your scars as lube. We don’t need condoms since we’re both clean.”

  Noah grinned. “You’ve given this some thought,” he teased.

  “It’s been on my mind since you allowed me to blow you.”

  Noah was certain that should weird him out, but it didn’t. He was one hundred percent okay with his best friend wanting him to fuck him. How was that for mind blowing?

  “Well, let’s make that dream come true, then. Except, I’m pretty sure I don’t need any help in the getting hard department, because my cock is ready for action.”

  With a bold move, Josh reached down to grab Noah, giving him a loving stroke. “Can’t hurt to give it a little extra attention, right?”

  Noah threw his head back and laughed. When Josh was satisfied Noah was hard enough—and he made damn sure Noah was—he grabbed the massage oil. He kissed Noah’s cock first, then spread a generous amount of oil over Noah’s cock.

  Noah swallowed back a moan. God, he loved Josh's hands on his dick, especially with that hungry gleam in his eyes. Josh looked like he wanted to devour him whole, and dammit, it made Noah feel sexy. Wanted.

  “It’s even more beautiful when it’s slick and glistening like this,” Josh said with a deep, appreciative sigh.

  “You think so?” Noah said without thinking. When had it started to matter if Josh liked his cock? The sheer admiration in Josh's eyes made him quiver inside.

  “Hell, yeah. I love your cock, and I love being fucked by you. We’ll go slow, as I haven’t done this in a while, so I’m tight and you’re…well, your cock is really thick, and it fills me to the max.”

  The dirty talk was turning Noah on even more, especially since Josh was oiling his own ass in preparation. Noah watched, enraptured as Josh slid one finger inside of himself, followed by another as he started stretching and scissoring himself. The soft groans he let out told Noah that Josh was more than looking forward to what was going down. Noah couldn’t wait to share this experience with his friend and give him the pleasure he’d been seeking. Oh, fuck, who was he kidding? He couldn’t wait to fuck Josh, either. It had to be amazingly hot and tight.

  It was funny how Josh was talking about Noah fucking him as if he already knew what it would feel like. A memory of the erotic dreams Noah had sometimes popped up. Noah on top of Josh, ramming his cock in Josh's ass. Him coming so hard inside of Josh he saw fucking stars. He could almost picture what Josh's ass would feel like around his dick, being engulfed in such a tight, slick heat.

  Huh. Powerful imagination he had going there. Yup, not quite so straight. Well, whatever. It wasn’t like he cared about that label, or any label.

  Josh straddled Noah. Their eyes locked. A tremble tore through Noah. Shit, he really was about to fuck another guy. Not just any guy—Josh.

  “Noah…thank you for doing this.” The words were barely audible, Josh's voice tight with tension.

  Noah grabbed his friend’s hand. “Don’t ever thank me. There’s no room for thanks between the two of us, okay? Just taking care of each other, pleasuring each other.”

  Josh's face relaxed. He spread his legs, then lowered himself on Noah’s cock, seeking the entrance to his ass. With one hand, he spread his own cheeks, with the other hand he held a firm grip on Noah’s solid member. Noah’s crown brushed the pucker that would give him entry to Josh's ass.

  “You guide me in, okay? I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, letting out a shivering breath.

  Josh nodded, teeth clenched in concentration. Noah’s cock pushed against the outer ring, then slipped in.

  “Oh…” Josh groaned.

  Noah closed his eyes and with quivering muscles, waited until Josh relaxed. Josh slowly lowered himself farther and inch by inch, Noah slid in.

  He gasped. Shivered.

  His cock was engulfed in a hole tighter than anything he’d ever been in, yet it was exactly as he had pictured, as he had dreamed. The warm, slick sensation combined with the incredible pressure on his cock was indescribable. His breath came in puffs as Josh pushed farther and farther down. God, they’d barely started, and Noah’s balls were tightening already, sending jolts of pleasure down the entire length of his shaft.

  “Fuck, Noah…Oh! So good…” Josh stammered, biting his lip.

  The resistance gradually lessened, and Noah’s cock sunk in deeper. He blinked a few times to get the droplets of sweat out of his eyes. Even though Josh was doing most of the physical work, Noah was clammy all over from this unbelievable sensation.

  “You’re so tight,” he whispered, watching in awe as Josh lowered himself, throwing his head back in abandon.

  Josh moaned. “Holy shit, you have no idea how good this feels. Your cock is so thick, it’s…I
’m so full of you, and it’s incredible.”

  The last bit of resistance melted away, and Noah was buried all the way. His balls gently rubbed against Josh's ass, tightening further in response to the delicious friction.

  “Noah, I’m not gonna last long…I’m already…so close. But I’ll make it good for you, I promise. I need to…Fuck, I need to come.” Josh started moving, lifting his ass up and thrusting down. After three or four thrusts, he stopped, his entire body shaking with the effort of holding back. “Can you take this? Is it okay with your legs?”

  How could he ever refuse anything Josh asked him? Even in the midst of fucking, seconds from blowing his wad, Josh's first concern was for Noah.

  “Josh, look at me,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m yours. I can take it. Take what you need.”

  Josh let out a howl and lifted his ass high up, slamming it down on Noah’s cock. Noah’s eyes opened wide and a ragged moan flew past his lips. Holy fuck, this felt divine. Again Josh's body lifted and thrust down hard, burying Noah’s cock all the way. His nuts pulled flush against his body.

  “Oooooh!” Josh shouted and gave one final thrust, impaling himself all the way, throwing his head back in pure ecstasy as an enormous spurt flew from his cock all over Noah’s chest and arms.

  Noah had never seen anything sexier and more arousing than Josh losing himself on his cock. Shit, the guy wasn’t kidding when he said he loved being fucked.

  Josh slowly opened his eyes, blinked, then wiped his brow with a tired gesture.

  “Holy fuck, Josh, that was an incredible sight,” Noah said. “You came like a geyser.”

  Josh's eyes traveled to the cum splattered across Noah’s chest, and he bit his lip. “I’ve made a mess,” he said, his voice apologetic.

  “Don’t,” Noah warned. “This was amazing.”

  “Do you want me to finish you with my mouth?”

  Noah hated the insecurity in his friend’s voice. Josh had been rejected so many times in the past that he always felt like a nuisance. He affirmed him the only way he knew how, by putting Josh's needs and wants first.